Chef’s Table for One: Surviving the Lonely Days
I find this photo to be hilarious because I am not sad at all, just in the zone and looking at the 3 different dips I had made and how colorful and beautiful they were! My RSF “Resting Sad Face”
How to Battle Loneliness as a Private Chef (The Struggle is REAL, Friends!)
Hey loves! I’m back with a topic that literally NO ONE talks about but EVERYONE in this industry feels! Can we have a super honest moment about the loneliness that comes with being a private chef? Because honestly, some days I feel like I'm cooking in my own little bubble, and I KNOW I'm not the only one! 💔
Grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment!) because we're going into the emotional aspects of private chef life that no one prepares you for! 🍷
The Loneliness No One Speaks 🫢
So imagine this: You spend your days crafting these incredible, intimate moments for families and clients. You're literally uniting people through food, creating memories, being a part of their celebrations.
And then you return home to your bare kitchen, having cold takeout for lunch by yourself, and find yourself surrounded all day but somehow also completely alone.
PLOT TWIST: The very same thing that makes private chef work so rewarding can sometimes leave you with the feeling that you're always looking in but never quite in.
I have no idea what face this is. But it is something. As you can see, the disposable plates are still cute!
Why Private Chef Life Can Feel Isolating 🏝️
You're Always the Professional, Never the Guest
The Reality Check: You're hosting these gorgeous dinner parties, family gatherings, romantic anniversaries but you're not really PART of them. You're the one orchestrating it, not the one participating. I can't tell you how many times I've plated a gorgeous meal, watched a family laughing and bonding over it, and then eaten my own dinner standing in their kitchen while cleaning up. It hits different, you know?
Your Work Hours Don't Match Normal People Hours
Friday Night Plans? You're probably working someone else's dinner party!
Weekend Brunches? You're prepping for a client's Sunday family gathering!
Holiday Celebrations? You're literally working everyone else's holidays!
When everyone else is socializing, you're working. When you're free, everyone else is busy. It's like being in a completely different timezone from the rest of the world!
The Kitchen Can Feel Like a Remote Island 🏖️
Even when you're cooking in someone's home with their family around, you're still technically working alone. There's this invisible wall between "Chef Jojo at work" and "Jojo just chillin'" that can be really isolating. Plus, most of your actual cooking happens when families aren't even home - you're prepping in empty kitchens, doing your thing solo, then leaving before they even get back to enjoy the meal!
The Emotional Rollercoaster is REAL🎢
The Sunday Scares Hit Different
Normal folks have Sunday panic over Monday morning meetings. Personal chefs have panic about being left alone with their minds after being "on" all week for clients!
That feeling when: You complete a lovely dinner service, everyone is smiling, you've tidied up beautifully. and then you drive home in utter silence wondering why you're so hollow after the most successful day.
Imposter Syndrome Meets Isolation
When you're working alone, your brain has LOTS of time to spiral:
• "Am I actually good at this?"
• "Do my clients really like me or are they just being polite?"
• "Should I have seasoned that differently?"
• "Am I charging enough? Too much?"
With no colleagues to reality check these ideas, they get pretty intense pretty quickly!
The Emotional Labor is HEAVY
You're not merely cooking food you're herding personalities, deciphering family dynamics, being emotionally present for clients who occasionally treat you like part therapist, part chef. That's A LOT to juggle, and when you're doing it by yourself, it can feel insurmountable.
My Personal Loneliness Wake-Up Call 😳
I'll never forget this particular Thanksgiving when I prepared dinner for this incredible family of 15. It was all perfect - they were all laughing, swapping stories, kids were running around, grandparents were smiling. It was like it came straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting!
I finished up the cleanup, bid them my goodbyes, and headed home to my empty apartment. I nuked a frozen dinner and watched Netflix, and I just lost it in tears.
There I'd just created this amazing family moment, and I came home to dine alone on my couch. The contrast was so extreme that it actually took my breath away.
That evening I knew I had to get real about meeting my emotional needs, as opposed to my career!
Battle Strategies That Actually Work 💪
Build Your Chef Family (Even If They're Virtual!)
Online Communities Are LIFESAVERS!
• Join private chef Facebook groups
• Follow other chefs on Instagram and actually engage with their content
• Find food industry Discord servers or Slack groups
• Start group chats with other local food professionals
Real talk: Some of my best friendships today are actually with chefs I've met online! We swap disaster tales, rejoice in wins, and encourage each other through the weird emotional things that go along with this career.
Create "Transition Rituals" 🔄
The Problem: It's abrupt going right from being "professional Chef Jojo" to "Jojo home alone"!
My Solution: I developed small rituals that transition me:
• Call my best friend or mom on the way home
• Grab a coffee and sit and people-watch for 20 minutes
• Walk around my neighborhood to unwind
• Journal three positive things from the day in my phone
These little buffers keep me processing the day rather than crashing emotionally when I arrive home!
Make Social Time an Appointment Like It's Work 📆
Here's the thing: If you don't schedule social time, it won't occur! Your work schedule is just too bizarre and unpredictable.
What I Do Now:
• Block out specific days/times for social activities and protect them like client bookings
• Plan regular coffee dates with non-industry friends
• Join a weekly activity (yoga class, book club, whatever!) that forces me out of the house
• Have "standing dates" with other chef friends for Monday morning debriefs
Find Your "Cooking Buddy" Network 👥
The Idea: Connect with other private chefs in your area for:
• Equipment sharing
• Emergency backup when you're sick
• Skill swapping (you're amazing at pastry, they're great at butchery)
• Regular coffee meetings to vent and strategize
Even if you're technically competitors, having people who UNDERSTAND what you do is so important!
Embrace Client Relationships (With Boundaries!) 🏠
Some of my clients have become like family - but I had to learn how to navigate that professionally!
What Works:
• Being genuinely interested in their lives while maintaining professional boundaries
• Sharing appropriate personal details (your weekend farmers market finds, not your dating drama!)
• Celebrating their milestones and letting them celebrate yours
• Remember: they hired you because they like YOU, not just your cooking!
Create Virtual Coworkers 💻
When I'm doing prep work alone, I sometimes:
• FaceTime with another chef friend who's also working
• Put on cooking shows or food podcasts for background voices
• Join virtual "body doubling" sessions where people work quietly together online
• Text updates to my chef group chat throughout the day
It sounds silly, but having that sense of connection while working makes a huge difference!
The Self-Care is NON-NEGOTIABLE 🛁
Cook for YOURSELF Sometimes
The irony is real: We spend all day creating amazing meals for other people and then eat sad desk salads!
My new rule: At least twice a week, I cook something special just for me. Light a candle, plate it nicely, eat without scrolling my phone. It reminds me why I love food in the first place!
Protect Your Mental Health
Therapy isn't only for when it's all falling apart! Having an outside person to walk through the emotional intricacies of this job with has been a lifesaver for me.
Also: Meditation apps, journaling, regular exercise. Whatever keeps you grounded and processing emotions!
Learn to Say No (Sometimes)
It's okay to say no to work if you're running on empty emotionally! Your mental health impacts your cooking, your client relationships, everything.
I've learned to know when I'm taking jobs to not be alone, not because they're a good fit for my business. That never works out!
The Plot Twist: Loneliness Can Be Your Superpower 🦸♀️
Here's what I've discovered: Once you do recognize the loneliness and start working on ways to deal with it, you really do get better at your job!
Why?
• You value human interaction more, which means you're better with clients
• You become more intuitive and observant of what others require
• You acquire fantastic self-sufficiency and problem-solving abilities
• You learn to appreciate little things and celebrate little pleasures
Loneliness taught me empathy that makes me a better experience designer at bringing people together!
My Current Support System Strategy 🤝
Daily: Text check-ins with my chef bestie group chat
Weekly: Coffee date with a non-industry friend
Monthly: Dinner with other local food professionals
Seasonally: Large events or parties with my bigger food family
Plus: I've come to look at some alone time as recharging instead of lonely time. Being alone and being lonely are two different things!
Real Talk for Anyone Having a Tough Time Right Now 💝
If you're reading this at 2 AM feeling isolated and questioning if this career is worth ityou're not broken, you're not strange, and you're not by yourself!
Loneliness is real, but it's temporary and it's manageable once you figure out ways to deal with it. Some of the most successful private chefs I know struggled just the same way.
You became a private chef because you love feeding people and making experiences happen. That heart, that passion is what will assist you in creating the connections you require professionally and personally.
And don't forget: Each family you prepare for, each party you assist in creating, each client who trusts in you with their milestone moments - you're changing their lives. That's not nothing. That's actually everything.
Okay friends, let's get real in the comments! Have you felt the private chef loneliness? What strategies have worked for you? And if you're struggling right now, know that this community sees you and supports you! We're all figuring this out together! 💕
P.S. If you ever want to virtually cook together, hit me up on Instagram! Sometimes we all need a cooking buddy, even if it's through a screen! 📱
Keep cooking with love, Chef Jojo 🍳💋